No, seriously. Do you trust Me?

Do you ever go through those times in your life where God tells/asks you the same thing over and over and over (andoverandoveranover) again??!  It’s like, rain or shine, He’s talking about it.  You open your Bible randomly and wham there it is again.  You go to church and “Today, my sermon is on [insert topic of preeminence that you and God keep talking about].” I think God’s theory is that if He reminds us of it enough, eventually it will click, and by that time, we will never forget the lesson because it is so solidly a part of us.

“Do you trust Me?”  That’s His question for me right now.  Every time I pray…

“Jesseca, do you trust Me?”

“Of course I do!  Lord, I trust You.”

“…Do you trust Me?”

“Umm, God…I said yes.  I trust You.”

“No.  Do you trust Me?”

And so the conversation goes, over and over again.  But don’t mind.  I’m fascinated by it, actually.  It makes me eager to see what He intends to teach me through this ever-repetitive question.  The more He asks me “do you trust Me?” the more I ask myself if I really do.  I think I trust Him; I mean, there have been times in my life when I’ve literally had to give up and just watch Him work on my behalf (which is, by the way, immensely more interesting and rewarding than watching myself trying to organize my life… believe me), but there are other times when I rely more on myself than I do on Him.

It seems kind of basic, this whole trusting thing.  But I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I’m wondering: what makes trust, trust?  Is it believing that someone else who knows more than you do will get the job done better than you will?  Is it laying down your own desires and hoping that another’s plans for you will turn out okay, and that you’ll benefit from them instead of being hurt?  Or maybe it is simply what the dictionary says: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

See, it’s easy for someone to lose your trust.  If they make one slip-up that gives you a scar you didn’t ask for, chances are that you won’t be giving that person any say in your life from then on.  It’s like this: I decide to take a tour of the African jungle but since I know nothing about African jungles, I hire a guide to help me out.  Mr. Guide claims to know the jungle like the back of his hand, and so we set out, me knowing nothing and him knowing everything.  But why would I follow his every step when for all I know, his next step could land me in a tiger’s den?  (Do tigers even live in dens?  I have no clue.)  I would follow in his footsteps simply because I believe that he knows what to do when I don’t, and if I do everything he says, I’ll have a great time and maybe even go home alive.

In case you haven’t noticed, daily life can be just as treacherous as (if not more treacherous than) taking a hike through an African rainforest (or jungle, what’s the difference?!).  Clearly, we can’t make it on our own because, guess what?  We don’t even know if we’ll take another breath, much less what to expect around the next bend in the road!  Yet, we would much rather stick our noses in the air, ignore God’s outstretched hand, and try to struggle through the swamps alone, all the while thinking that one day we’ll find our way to somewhere worthwhile.

Big mistake.

But back to my little story!

What if Mr. Guide and I are walking along, when suddenly I do fall into a tiger’s den?!  How much do you think I would trust him then?  Especially if he had promised to keep me safe before we set out on our journey.  If he ended up letting me get hurt anyway, I think I would quite readily put him on my “Do Not Trust This Person” list.  Wouldn’t you?

Yet, think about it.  By falling into that pit, I would have a better chance of knowing how to avoid one in the future.  (Provided that my leg didn’t turn into dinner first…)  So even though I would be pretty upset at my guide for not protecting me from falling into a den of tigers, I could also thank him for teaching me a lesson that would benefit me in the future.  (Hey, you never know what kind of calling God might have for you in an African rain-jungle!)

So.  Do you trust Him?  Do you think that maybe He sets us up to fall into tiger-less pits just so He can prove to us that He’ll catch us?  Do you think maybe the lessons we have to learn can only be learnt the hard way?  And do you think that perhaps the mistakes we make and the hurts we suffer only make us the wiser?

I wish I could avoid mistakes.  I desperately wish I could avoid hurts.  Maybe it’s possible!  I just need to learn how.

In the meantime, I am completely convinced that the God who spins the universe day after day after day can teach little me how to walk.  I’m confident that the Lord of heaven and earth Who is worshiped by His creation can bring to completion the plan He has laid for my life.  It’s all a matter of taking His hand, closing my eyes, and stepping…off the ledge…into the unknown…knowing He’ll catch me just in time.